PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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