We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
