maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
