Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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