I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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