If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
