Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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