What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
