His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
