we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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