you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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