I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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