I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Couch. On fire.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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