My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
