i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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