I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
