dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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