I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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