I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
