also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
