Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
