I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
