i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just high enough for therapy.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
