No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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