i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
