If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
