my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
