Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
