What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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