I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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