his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
