dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
