every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
