Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
