You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
