Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
