his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
