After last night, I could never be a politician.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want her autograph on my taint
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
