dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I got inside last night via doggy door
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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