She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
