I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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