I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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