so that wasnt chicken after all
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
