I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
