He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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