and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
