okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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