just come out here and I will go home with you...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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