They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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