don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
