There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
