he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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