All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
