I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
